Feb. 12, 2021

Spirituality & Motherhood Podcast: Tracey Kennedy - Ancestors & Mother Earth

Spirituality & Motherhood Podcast: Tracey Kennedy - Ancestors & Mother Earth

In this episode of Spirituality & Motherhood, we laughed, we cried, we bonded over potential ancestors in common and a desire to drink. (She wants Gin. I want brown liquor.) Episode 4 features an interview with the fabulous Tracey Kennedy, owner of Calibama Organics and loving mother of two. Tracey and I chat about her strong bond with Mother Earth, how her ancestors have consistently shown up for her and what having children have taught her about herself. I found our conversation to be a blessing and I hope you do too!


Trigger warning: Mention of Sexual Abuse, Domestic Violence & Suicidal Ideation.
Sexual abuse pops up at 32:52, 45:15, 45:35,
Domestic Violence at 17:12
Suicidal Ideation: 17:46 

In this episode of Spirituality & Motherhood, we laughed, we cried, we bonded over potential ancestors in common and a desire to drink. (She wants Gin. I want brown liquor.) Episode 4 features an interview with the fabulous Tracey Kennedy, owner of Calibama Organics and loving mother of two. Tracey and I chat about her strong bond with Mother Earth, how her ancestors have consistently shown up for her and what having children have taught her about herself. I found our conversation to be a blessing and I hope you do too!

Please support Tracey by voting for her pitch on sheraise.com and by checking out her website: calibamaorganics.com. Her products are sheer magic :)

If you want to support this podcast, slip me some change at paypal.me/ritualmama or by checking out simpleweeklyritual.com where I offer full and new moon ritual :) 

Thanks for being here. See you again soon! 
Immense Blessings
Jeannette


Transcript

Jeannette: [00:00:00] Peace and innumerable blessings. Thank you for choosing to listen to the motherhood and spirituality podcast. Thanks for being with me before we roll into the intro, some housekeeping notes, number one, trigger warning, trigger, warning, trigger warning. There's some mentoring of suicidal ideation. Um, some mention of sexual abuse as well as some mention of domestic violence.

[00:00:26] So if you're sensitive to that, So may not be your, you know, might not be your episode. There's slight mention of it. And there's also some cursing cause we had flying. There was some cursing. You also actually hear the children in the background because they were loudly watching the lo and stitch and they like to be on the microphone too.

[00:00:50] On a much lighter note, the interviewee, the magical and amazing Tracy Kennedy, as you will soon hear and learn about owns an organic body care company called Kelly Bammell organics. And I do recommend her stuff. I love, love, love her hair. Vittles and her kitchen sink conditioner has been really wonderful for my hair and my kids' hair.

[00:01:14] So I do recommend that you check out Kelly Bama, organics.com. And she did. Yeah. I'm not supposed to be giving a commercial. I'm supposed to be giving a shout out to the kids anyway. So let's do the shout out to the kids. Cause she was like, I would like a shout out to my kids so we can do shout out to her kids, which is so sweet to my ex and Oh, My life has meaning because you brought me purpose.

[00:01:39] Thank you for showing me my worth, my value and my power in this world. I constantly strive for better because I have the best cheerleaders in my corner. And speaking of cheerleading, I would actually encourage you to please support Tracy by checking out Kelly banner organics.com, which will be in the show notes or supporting her at, um, She res.com, which is also in the show notes.

[00:02:04] And I'll mention again at the end. So let's roll on in this episode. Let's get it started.

[00:02:15] My name is Jeanette, Lancien and welcome, welcome welcome to the motherhood and spirituality podcast, where we're going to explore different ways of honoring your spiritual path, your spiritual gifts and your divine connection all while being a mama, my intention is to support you in your path and your spiritual gifts and your connection by sharing the wisdom and experience of the other mothers on the path, just like you.

[00:02:42] Cause you're not alone. You don't have to do this alone. We got you. I come to this work as a root worker, as a Hoodoo as a psychic, lay herbalist and tree talker. I also come to you as the entrepreneur. I run the site called simple weekly ritual where I offer  full and new moon guidance with some and simple because you deserve good things.

[00:03:10] Anyway, let's dig into this episode. This episode features an interview of Tracy Kennedy. Who's an amazing mother of two, and I loved doing this interview. We laughed. We cried. There was like some sort of moment where it's like, you know what? I think our, our ancestors have been talking behind our backs and planning for us to have better lives.

[00:03:41] What I really enjoyed about this interview is it shifted the way I see ancestral veneration. And it kind of, um, kinda helped me relate to my ancestors in a different way. So this was a nourishing interview for me. So I pray it's a blessing for you as well. But before we dig in, I'm going to share some intuitive wisdom that I've been asked to share and a ritual.

[00:04:07] So let's start with this intuitive wisdom and ritual.

[00:04:16] Okay. So the intuitive wisdom that I have been asked to share is that humanity has got to figure out what it means to be human, because the ways we interact as humans ain't working  The way that we are with the system that is nature, that inhabits, this planet ain't working, it, ain't working for us. It ain't working for nature.

[00:04:40] And if we are to successfully be here and stay here, we need to develop a deeper sense of compassion and a lot more humility. And part of that comes with shifting our concept of what exactly it means to be human and how we're going to go forward in our relationship with the other entities and energies that we share this planet with.

[00:05:11] Cause we ain't doing right as a group. We're just not, we're not doing right. We're not all right. So that was the wisdom I was asked to share. Now let's get onto the virtual. 

[00:05:24] Whenever you get there, if this ritual suits you do it! Is being open to the new, we have to be open to the new, the ways that we're working, aren't working.

[00:05:36] And even though there's a lot of holding on, there's like tension. This, we have to go back to the old ways of doing. The old is dead. We gotta open to the new. And how do you make a ritual  of that? You wake  up with an affirmation. You just wake up with any time in the morning and say, I am open to the new that blesses me and my family. I'm open to the new, that will bless me and my loved ones. You can say that. 

[00:06:04] If you're one of those people who open your windows in the morning to let you know the night air out, let the day gone by out opened the window and affirm that you are open to the new you're open and receptive to the new that blesses you and your loved ones, you and your family.

[00:06:24] You can also ritualize this by working with water. If you're a person who drinks warm water in the morning; warm water is really great because it cleans out your system. It jumpstarts your digestion, a little. So  (add)  like just a little bit of lemon in your water, prayer, without water to cleanse you of the old and support you and opening to the new and then, and then drink it.

[00:06:49] Another thing you can do is if you are eating apples or pears, take the seed, bring it to your heart. With the intention of being open to the new, bring it to your heart and set the intention I'm open to the new that blesses me and my family. Surrender it to the earth. Now don't surrender just to any old Earth. Surrender it to Earth where you go and you feel good. A place in a space you feel like loves you and is receptive to supporting you in, you know, whatever newness may unfurl from this affirmation. From this intention.

[00:07:25] Put the seed in the earth lovingly. Repeating your, your intention to be open to the new and then just water, the seed, whatever water you got, whatever water on you. Put some gratitude in that water. You know, thank you for these new blessings. Thank you for this new guidance. Thank you for this new wisdom. Thank you for this new direction.

[00:07:49] That is a blessing to me and my family. And that's that! Those are some rituals to support you in being open to the new.

[00:08:01] So, let's dig into this interview. See you, on the other end,

[00:08:06] So, can you talk about how you developed this relationship with the blueberry plants, where you're like, okay, you got to go back from where you came and your garden like tells me if you don't water me, it's a problem. Like, how did you develop that? 

[00:08:26] Tracey : [00:08:26] Other than just being completely lost. I was completely lost and I didn't, I didn't have anybody else to rely on.

[00:08:36] So I just went to mother earth and I gave up and I gave in. And I, and the more I dug in that soil, the more I realized I was digging into me and to the core of who I was. So I just kept digging, you know, and every time I dug, I learned, I learned something about myself. I learned something about the people around me.

[00:09:02] I learned something about, you know, how to grow my own food and it just became this unexplainable connection that I had. And the more I tended to the soil, the more I saw myself flourish, I've always been the type of person to be very nurturing  in nature, you know, I love to, I've always loved to grow things.

[00:09:27] I've always loved to see things flourish. You know, I remember being in elementary school and our school had a little in school garden, you know, and I remember being, you know, six and seven and, and being able to work on that, maybe that's where it comes from, you know, that, that love. I didn't feel in that sun beam down on you and feeling that heat and, you know, feeling just the, the, the love of soil, you know, it's living just like you are.

[00:09:58] And you know, the more you touch that soil, it's like someone touching your heart. It's going to give back to you. It's going to give love to you. So. I think maybe that's, maybe that's where it's from. Look at that.

[00:10:14] Jeannette: [00:10:14] So like, how has that impacted, you know, you being a mom cause you're a mom to two loving children. So how has your relationship with mother earth infected impacted interesting way of putting? 

[00:10:27] Tracey : [00:10:27] I mean, they love me most of the time.  (laughter) 

[00:10:33] My, my kids. They're very, very honest. And they are very direct, like their mother at, let me tell you something. Um, having them outside in the garden with me,

[00:10:53] It made me see me because every time I listened to them, I'm like, Oh my God, that's me. Every time they say something foul. I'm like, that's they mama, how am I get mad? You know? Cause I'm over here telling people these extra truths in a harsh way, you know, and then these kids, you know, they're turning it around.

[00:11:18] They're doing the same thing to me. And that was the earth. That was, that was our ancestors. That was them telling me, okay, this is the only way you're going to learn. So you're gonna put your, you're gonna put your hands in this soil. You're going to put show feet in this soil, and you're going to feel these vibrations from these innocent kids.

[00:11:35] Because if an adult does it, you gonna sit here and you're gonna feel froggy and you going jump, but you ain't going to jump with these kids. You go sit your behind down, and you actually don't listen to something. That's what the connection with mother earth. And, and the soil, that's what it did for, for me and motherhood.

[00:11:57] You know what, when, when I got pregnant with my son, it was not planned. And his name is all Ani, which means to stay in peace. It's from the OSR tribe in Africa, that name, when I saw it, and I saw the meaning, I knew what he was supposed to offer me in this life. And he was supposed to offer me some peace.

[00:12:25] My daughter,

[00:12:30] my daughter's name is Nigerian. Her name is rainbow

[00:12:39] and she is

[00:12:47] all the shine and all the joy. All the beauty that I have inside of me that throughout my life, I wasn't able to claim

[00:13:07] so fiercely

[00:13:12] and so confidently. And I find myself fearful of her sometimes because I'm fearful of me. I'm fearful of embracing all, all of my shine;  like she does with zero cares in the world. Our kids can teach us so much. If we just sit down and shut the fuck up. I'm sorry. 

[00:13:50] Jeannette: [00:13:50] Look  it's perfect. Perfect. Cause I think, I think we forget how spirit and ancestors and earth work their children and like how quite often it's not necessarily us bringing them in to teach them something it's them coming to us because there are certain parts that just need healing.

[00:14:12] And it's not just us. The whole lineage needs some help. And the cavalry has arrived. The cavalry is here. So it's like the challenge of not burdening the Calvary with our stuff. And also like not letting society burden the cavalry with like, just crap, crap. Tracey, how did you start to cultivate a relationship with your ancestors?

[00:14:41] Because your ancestors be sneaking in.

[00:14:42]Tracey : [00:14:42] So I'd tell the long version....

[00:14:45]Jeannette: [00:14:45] It's going to be okay. People need your wisdom. 

[00:14:53] Tracey : [00:14:53] So throughout my life, my like my childhood into about my mid twenties or so I have always felt this male presence guarding me throughout, throughout that time. And. I went through a lot as a child. My parents were very young when they had me like 18. They, they, neither, one of them had been 18 for a month and my dad ended up becoming a heavy drug user.

[00:15:20] My mom was a really bad alcoholic who was also addicted to men who was bulimic and anorexic. And my two grandmas that were essentially raising me were addicted to Jesus. So there was no one really focused on the wellbeing of Tracy. I was molested by my uncle. There was constant chaos, and I feel like that male presence did as much as he could to protect me, but he knew he had limits.

[00:16:01] And by the time I was in my late teens, early twenties, I was just so far gone. Um, I mean, I, I was questioning spirituality. I was questioning religion. I was like, who's even believing in this stuff. Like, this is crazy. Like I'm not getting up early in the morning on a Sunday to go praise white Jesus.

[00:16:25] Like y'all can miss me with this. I'm not,. I'm a scratch my ass and I'm gonna smoke this blunt. And I that's how I'm going to .pray to somebody like that's where I was at. I think that that male presence, he was so dominating and it was hard for him to be able to guide a very dominant woman. So in my early twenties, mid twenties or so, I felt like there was a presence of two women.that had popped up in my life and I had hit rock bottom. I ended up homeless. I was in a violent domestic relationship for like six and a half years. And I had left because she had beat my head against a metal railing. You know, I lost 70% of what I owned. I ended up losing my full-time job and then I ended up having my car got, like my life. had just took a, a major dive, you know? And, um, that's when the presence of those women became more prevalent for me. Um, and. When I realized that, you know, I had nothing and I realized that almost every day I was thinking about just killing myself, because it just seemed like the best option. I opened up a catalog for Los Angeles Harbor college in LA in San Pedro area and I opened it up in the first thing I opened it up to was the culinary program that they had just started the year before. It just felt like those women were like, are you ready now? Are you ready for someone to love you the right way? So you can grow. You need a hug, baby. And that's what it felt like.

[00:18:27] So I went back to, I went back to school and through, you know, your health service fees that I was paying $11 a year, semester, or so $11 a semester for your health service fees. And those health service fees give you free mental health. So I took advantage of that and I started seeing a therapist twice a week and they put me on medication for a while.

[00:18:53] And then I just, I told myself, I said, I, this, this ain't right. This, this medication. I said, you need to learn how to let go of all the hurt you've gone through, you know? And so I quit the medication, cold Turkey. And one of my mentors, you know, I told him what happened and everything. And he stuck by my side and he monitored me, you know, to make sure that everything was cool and stuff like that.

[00:19:23] And I still kept going to therapy. And then those twice a week went down to once a week, then it went down to every other week. 

[00:19:31] Jeannette: [00:19:31] Yes. 

[00:19:32] Tracey : [00:19:32] Oh. And then, you know, 18 months later, you know, it was, you know what I think you're okay. I think, I think that you can do this on your own. You know, I went in culinary scholarships and culinary competitions and yeah.

[00:19:47] You know, I was top in my class and I just, I had this confidence that I'd never had.

[00:19:57] And then I met my ex husband, but my ancestors were doing, you know, they knew what they were doing because I needed to meet him because he. He was my ticket to Alabama. We were together for about two years when we had our son and about a week before our son's first birthday, his job said, sorry, it's it comes down to numbers.

[00:20:23] We have to let you go. Yeah, literally a month after he had just gotten hired. He had left a very secure job for them. And so, uh, yeah, so he went and started looking for jobs and stuff like this, and he got offered a position here where I'm at now in Alabama and I'm originally from California. And when we got here in Alabama, um, you know, I was just like, I cannot believe this like LA girl with wigs, six inch heels.

[00:20:59] Thousands of dollars worth of makeup and tiny dresses. Why am I in Alabama? Because I needed to find me because my ancestors needed me here. In 2018, I had owned this organic body care company that I have for about a year and things were going well with my company. But things weren't necessarily going right with me.

[00:21:31] And I had never taken a day off from being a mom. I went almost seven years without being alone for more than eight hours. I never went anywhere without either my kids or my husband. And I just randomly, I opened up Facebook that morning and the Facebook events, and I saw that the legacy museum had just opened that day was that grand opening that day.

[00:22:02] And like I said, like, I didn't go anywhere without my family. And something said, you need to go. And I asked them, I was like, Hey, you guys, I was like, you want to go. And, you know, my husband's Chinese, you know, really care about slavery. And so, yeah, nobody wanted to go and, and I was going to lay back down and like I said, something was like, go.

[00:22:27] So I got up and I put my nice dress on and I put some makeup on and had my hair done. And I drove two hours, you know, to go down to The Legacy Museum and I waited in line for 45 minutes and I'll  was like all right this is good and cool  hey..And I get to the front of the line and they're like, do you have your ticket? And I was like, no, no, I don't. You know? And I'm like, well, we're sold out for the day. I was like, I didn't know that I had to buy a ticket in advance. I was like, I just drove like two hours, you know? And, and I got ready to walk away and she says to me, she's like, is it just you? And I said, yeah, it's just me. She goes, someone just left this one ticket about five minutes ago.

[00:23:15] She said, you know, you're, you're, you know, I feel really bad that you drove all the way down here, you know, you're, you're more than welcome to have it. Okay. Yes, ma'am thanks. Appreciate ya. And, um, you know, I took my ticket and I walked in

[00:23:38] And I have never, I have never had an experience like that before. It was just like everything. Like I could see everything in there. But I couldn't hear anything that was going on because all I could hear was she's here. She's here. She's here. She's here. Yeah. And I just, I, I remember walking through and seeing like the map of how the building that we were in used to be a slave kind of portal, um, where they would, where they would hold them. 

[00:24:24] Um, and they would host auctions, um, and they would hold them during transport, you know, so they would bring them here from, let's say, you know, North Carolina through the, um, from the river or whatever. And they would stay here for a few days until, you know, they went up for auction and then they would be dispersed.

[00:24:45] And, um, and then you, you keep walking in and then you walk down this corridor. It's very dark because they have these cells and inside the cells, the back of them, they have these holograms of slaves talking to you, and I could see what was being projected.

[00:25:15]  (But) what I could hear. And it wasn't what was in front of me.

[00:25:24] And it just are fucking me up and seeing this wall of all these different jars with soil of pieces where we're bodies were hung.

[00:25:37] But what hit me was this area where you would sit down and it was, you pick up a phone and it was like talking to somebody through, um, while they were in jail, through the, through the glass.

[00:25:58] And that part effected me so much because that was my childhood.

[00:26:07] That was me talking to my dad through the glass when he was in jail. That was me talking to my uncle while he was in jail. To know there's so many people that look like me, I've gone through so much over skin color. It broke me, it broke me. In a way that I have never been broken before and I have been so hurt throughout life, but this break,it wasn't a shatter. It was that even break. So I could open myself up. They kept talking to me. Girl you been through it, they took all your melinin. I'm not doing this with y'all right now. I'm messing with it. I'm and lead challenged. I can't help it

[00:27:22] but that just kept telling me you're here for a reason. We brought you here for a reason. We need you here. We need you here. So you can say see you because if you can't see you and how are your kids going to be able to see themselves? 

[00:27:50] How are you going to continue moving through this life affectively, if you can't see yourself. 

[00:28:02] We know you went through all of this.

[00:28:10] We shared all this blood, so you could flourish. 

[00:28:19] Our bodies.

[00:28:23] Our ancestors bodies nourished the soil in the South.

[00:28:32] We were the first of this soil. It is time for us to reclaim our gardens. It is time for us to reclaim our soil. It is time for us to reclaim our ancestors. It is time for us to reclaim our peace. It is time for us to reclaim our joy. It is time for us to reclaim our power. It is time for us to reclaim our femininity.

[00:28:58] It is time for us to reclaim our masculinity. It's time for us to reclaim our tribalism. It is time for us to reclaim our sense of family sense of unity. It is time

[00:29:20] in may of 2019. I left my husband because I realized he was like, okay. One of those extra pieces that Ikea gives you with furniture.

[00:29:41] You just don't fucking need it. Like, I mean, shit, it may break. And I might have to go check on it and be like, Hey, but otherwise deep down, you know, you don't fucking need it.

[00:29:53] So, you know, it, it was just these as I just kept going and I just kept feeling all of this and my ancestors just telling me like, go, go, go, go. Every time. I felt like I wasn't going in the right path. They will put something in front of me that says, look, stop looking back, stop doubting yourself. If you doubt yourself, we still need you to look forward.

[00:30:20] We got you. In September of 2019, I went to Barbados. It was a girls' trip for a week. Never been on a girls trip. I was a month away from being 39 and I'd never been on a girls trip the second day that we were there. We went to the oldest church in Barbados and Barbados has a significant value to me because my grandma is from Barbados.

[00:31:05] Okay. I got out of the car and I remember walking to the doors of the church and I hadn't been inside a church. And I don't know when, like, I couldn't tell you like this and it was just something that just was like pulling me from my chest.

[00:31:22] Jeannette: [00:31:22] I want to talk in the mic  (Jeannette's son) 

[00:31:29] Tracey : [00:31:29] Okay. Girl. Look, my kids are with their dad right now. That's the only reason why you don't hear them in the background. I promise you that

[00:31:37] Jeannette: [00:31:37] l want to talk in it! Later you can talk in the mic before  dinner but now it's not the time. Alright, Barbados. 

[00:31:46] Tracey : [00:31:46] My Daughter would have had her head right here, quick mine.

[00:31:55] Jeannette: [00:31:55] They got their Kiki's in earlier. I was like, okay I set it up. let's have fun. Okay. But like, yeah, grandma. 

[00:32:04] Tracey : [00:32:04] Yeah. I just felt pulled, um, To, to go inside the church. And I went inside and I stood at the altar and I just, that wave just came over me. It was just like this, this wash of peace. And I just started crying and I just said, I thought you weren't here.

[00:32:32] I thought you left. And something just responded back. I could never leave you. And it was hard because of the fact that just two weeks prior to me going to Barbados was the first time that I admitted that I was molested as a child. Um,

[00:32:58] I was having severe panic attacks to the point where I literally thought that I was having a heart attack. I started going through a hypnotherapy. I was able to speak to one of my ancestors and I just walked down these, these stairs to her and she had this big, big black dress on and she just,

[00:33:26] it just looked like me when I was overweight

[00:33:32] and she was taller. And I couldn't see a face, but I could just see this, this shadow of a smile. And she just gave me the biggest hug and it was just so warm. Oh my God.

[00:33:55] And then I went to Barbados and then I have this moment and all the anger and rage that I had towards. The divine God, my ancestors spirituality

[00:34:13] less.

[00:34:18] I have always been afraid of cemeteries. I walked out of that church and I started walking barefoot through the cemetery. Of all these priests and priestesses that were just bare. And I just, I could just feel love and power just pushing through my, through the soles of my feet. I came back home and things took off.

[00:34:49] My company started booming. I started doing all these television and radio and modeling and all that hell is going on. And then 2020 hit.

[00:35:04] And I gave into all my old habits because my world had been so shaken. There was this new life that I was creating. I had, I had finally separated Tracy from mom. I had this firm understanding of the two now. And then COVID was like, nah, we gonna send them kids back home, bitch, what? Please don't send these kids back home.

[00:35:35] And then the gym closed down. So I had no form of childcare and then my husband didn't want to let go. And there was fighting. And then I was trying to date. And by the end of the year, the ancestors sat me down.

[00:35:56] On my 40th birthday. They said, you ready to listen, now? You ready to be humble, now?

[00:36:09] You ready to shut the fuck up now? And I had to realize that I was fighting my ex husband for the shit.my ancestors were fucking putting in fucking front of me.

[00:36:25] They said, Girl, we gave you all of this and you were squandering it away because fighting is all, you know, and you don't want to move forward to something better.

[00:36:44] You don't have to be a martyr all the goddamn time. Oh, you don't got a T it's not your responsibility to teach all these motherfuckers lessons. It's not your responsibility to tell everybody the realities of their lives. If they don't want to face that shit. Shut the fuck up. You ain't Jesus girl, sit down.

[00:37:08] Focus on you. Go be great. With these big head kids, you got girl, you betta. Yep, we gave you these, these childrens, we gave you this crazy ass goddamn dog. We gave you a company. We were putting you in front of people

[00:37:32] And you bullshitting repeating the same habits of your mother. Okay, Tracy. Mm.

[00:37:47] Yeah, it's so funny because

[00:37:56] I've, I felt like for so long, you know what I can, I can move forward. You know, I can keep these one or two things to myself or whatever that I don't have to admit to this, you know? And I can just, and I can still move forward. I can tell I can still totally do it. Like plenty of people have done it.

[00:38:15] I'm not plenty people.

[00:38:25] Ancestors say you're Tracy. And in order for you to move forward, man, you're going to have to admit some shit you so busy giving other people reality. When you go sit down and look at shall reality. When are you going to sit down and see that you allowed your depression and anxiety to rule you? So many years of you fighting past it and one bad year and you just fell out.

[00:38:59] Yeah. Yes. Unnecessary just on the ground and in tears. Ready to cut my hair off. Uh, which I did like, you know, just on some Brittany Spears shit. Like I didn't have to do that. And here I am, but it's a cathartic release, you know? Um, I had to let go of something. And, um, I felt like, well, you know, at least my hair will grow back

[00:39:39] and holds it. It, it holds a lot of hurt and a lot of anger and my hair looked like it because what I cut off, it was damaged. It wouldn't curl back up. It looked like it had been beat by colonization. Like. Right, right. Curl pattern was gone and I'm sitting here trying to hold on to a hope and a dream.

[00:40:01] Like it's not, it's not necessary. It's not. Yeah. And so I looked at my hair and I said, let that hurt though. There's okay. Now I don't fight with my ex-husband anymore. Anytime he's ready to fight. I go, you know, what do you. Go live your best life. Go be great. Um, I'm going to hang up now and you have a great day. Okay. I just sent him four boxes of girl scout cookies so he could have, if he could share them with the kids and enjoy some time together,

[00:40:49] I can live through hurt no more. No. And my ancestors, they keep telling me every day grow. We lived through all of that.

[00:41:03] Don't you want something better?

[00:41:07] I'm just like, why can't, y'all just show up with some liquor. I want to party

[00:41:13] Jeannette: [00:41:13] Can ya'll bring me some Brown

[00:41:15] liquor,

[00:41:17] Tracey : [00:41:17] I just need some Hendricks, Gin Jesus and some pink grapefruit juice. Like I am like, why, why do I always have to learn these lessons, bro? Like, y'all be bringing tears and emotions and

[00:41:33] Bess and I'm like let's just.. let's just sit and get drunk for a sec..yeah no

[00:41:42] Jeannette: [00:41:42] Not the Alabama set no. Not the Alabama set. They like c'mon. You got this field, let's make it grow. Let's go! C'mon.. Just water

[00:41:57]Tracey : [00:41:57] Yeah. So I just bought a house in Alabama. I've lived. I've rented a house there for the past year. And after living there for a year, I bought the house across the street. I looked out my living room window every single day. And I said, that's the house for me. I'm going to buy that house.

[00:42:21] And I made it happen. And in the year that I've lived there, Nobody has, I mean, I've had plenty of men come by, be like, Hey miss lady, but I've never had anybody like, Hey, welcome to the neighborhood or anything like that. I bought this house, all the neighbors that I have been living next to for the past year.

[00:42:47] Hey, you fixing up that house. Yeah. Oh, that's wonderful. I Miss Sanders. and this Mr. Sanders, a white lady from up the street  came to say hi, I'm Becky I used to  live up on 31st street. Said, Hey, Ms. Ma'am, you know, she told me her whole life story about my mother, my mother used to own that house right on over there.

[00:43:14] You see that room right there next to that house right there. That brick house, but not that house, but that, that, that one, right? Yes. That's the one that my mother owned right there. We grew up in that one and then I went and bought that house up there on 31st street. And that's where you live at right now.

[00:43:30] She told me about the woman who used to own my house, just a lovely woman, her name was Mrs. Parish. She had lavender hair. She was one that was like, she was the one of those real old ladies. Yeah. But it's just it,

[00:43:49] the ancestors telling me, see, If you just shut the fuck up,

[00:43:59] please. Jesus. Shut the fuck up and sit down. Get this woman a muzzle, please is doing herself. A disservice Lord.

[00:44:19] I have 

[00:44:20] Jeannette: [00:44:20] to say it's comforting to hear your story, because I think the approach to ancestral reverence, if you watch the internet or read too many books, is out of whack. Like this idea that you almost have to buy your ancestors. Like you buy all these other things and that's, they're not just there for you because they love you.

[00:44:45] They're not just guiding you because they love you. They're not just looking out for you because they're just there and they love you. And they put in on the line and they put it on you and they want to see you do well. Yeah. Like I think there's a lot of expectation for all of us to do all this stuff.

[00:45:03] And it has nothing to do with building the relationship. It's also interesting. The similarity between having a childhood where nobody's there and then the earth claims you because I was raised, I was molested and it was abusive household and in the midst, all that chaos, nobody was really looking after me except for the trees in the front yard, the flowers in the garden and the river in the back.

[00:45:27] So when I couldn't take it, I went out to the trees and I would sit under them. I have a picture of that house and there's like this line of like evergreen trees. And I remember just sitting under them and being like, okay, I'm safe here. No one is going to hurt me. I was going to touch me. I'm okay here. 

[00:45:46] Tracey : [00:45:46] So when we're living with my grandma, there was like this big driveway. She lived in these condos right here, this small set of condos there's big driveway. And then there was these apartment complexes, this small apartment complex and across the driveway, there was this massive tree that I used to hide in all the time. And if I wasn't in that tree, I was in the bushes that were across the street.

[00:46:17] I had a few friends and my cousins, when they would come over, we had created this little space behind the bushes where you couldn't see it, even when you were driving by, because they were so dense. But in that space, no one could see us and we could do whatever it was just protection.

[00:46:40] Jeannette: [00:46:40] Yep. 

[00:46:42] Tracey : [00:46:42] Our people know each other. 

[00:46:44] Jeannette: [00:46:44] They have to they have to. So my question to you is like, is there any sort of wisdom that you have for mamas that you want to share? About like spirituality and motherhood and, you know, staying on the path because it feels like you faught for your path and you here! 

[00:47:08] Um, my 

[00:47:09] Tracey : [00:47:09] biggest advice is sit down and shut the fuck up.

[00:47:16] Sit down and shut the fuck up. You don't always have the final say you don't always need to have the final say it's okay to let go of control. Because end of the day, you don't really have it. It's not up to you. Isn't it. It's up to the divine. So what are you fighting for? You fighting a losing battle.

[00:47:40] You are sabotaging yourself. Stop. That's my advice. 

[00:47:48] (End of Interview) 

[00:47:48] Jeannette: [00:47:48] I know, right. We don't control nothing. We don't control a daggum thing. That that was hard. It's true. But it was hard to hear. Left me in a bit of a ball, especially during Covid, anywho, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here.

[00:48:07] If you want to support Tracy. You can vote for her pitch on sheraise.com. You can also check out CaliBamaorganics.com because her stuff is good. It's good. You can feel the magic in it. You put it on your skin. When you put it on your hair, it just feels really good. You want to know more about me? Check out simpleweeklyritual.com, thanks so much for being here.

[00:48:35] I look forward to talking to you again soon. Stay blessed.