In this episode, I share how dissociation is helping me to mindfully create a supportive environment for me and the boys. Who would have thunk that all that trauma blessed me with survival skills?
Please note that Cecile of Mommy Evolve and I are hosting a series of conversations on Motherhood. We'll be chatting every Tuesday at 2 pm EST from June 14th - July 5th. Topics include: Raising the patriarchy, finding the courage to create solutions, the Divine Feminine, and the Motherwound. Got Questions for us? Leave them at Spiritualityandmotherhoodpodcast.com or reach me via Twitter: Jlancien77 or Instagram: Spirituality_Motherhood_Pod.
Thanks for listening. I can't wait to connect with you again soon!
episode 29: dissociation
[00:00:00] Jeannette: Peace and numerable blessings and welcome. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the spirituality and motherhood podcast, where we reside in that sacred space for spirituality meets motherhood in this space we'll explore everything from how ancestral and earth based spiritual paths and practices, shape motherhood to how having spiritual gifts impacts your experience as a mother.
[00:00:23] Thanks for being here. I'm your hostess. I'm Jeanette Jackson. I'm the mother of two boys, a Hoodoo, a psychic, a tree talker, and a lay herbalist let's get pop in. Let's get started. Welcome to my bedroom, to my bed, where I am shooting this episode because there's too much going on and I need some fricking comforts I'm in my bed.
[00:00:47] So, this episode we are talking about how dissociation has become a superpower for me, but. But, but, but, but, but before we get started, I told you I was working on something. So Cecile of Mommy evolve and I are going to have a series of conversations to be hosted on, on YouTube. We're going to live stream them, starting June the 14th at 2:00 PM and going all the way to July 5th at 2:00 PM.
[00:01:21] Every Tuesday, you can catch Cecile of mommy evolve and myself talking, talking mess on Tuesday, the 14th, we're going to be talking about how as a mother, you can choose not to advance the patriarchy. On Tuesday the 21st, we'll be talking about finding the courage and bravery to find the solutions that you need to
[00:01:44] find in motherhood within yourself, rather than in the societal constructs around you. On June the 28th, we'll be discussing the divine feminine and on July 5th, we'll be talking about the mother wound. All of this will be streamed live on YouTube at 2:00 PM Eastern standard time. So if you have questions and maybe you have time to, you know, tune in, feel free to tune in, you can ask her questions, ask your questions.
[00:02:14] Then, or you can also, you know, get at me, get at me, at spirituality and motherhood podcast.com. And let me know if you have any questions using the contact me form. You can also hit me up on Twitter at JLancien 77. That's L a N C I E N 77 on Twitter. Or you can hop in my DMS over on Instagram. At spirituality, underscore motherhood, underscore pod.
[00:02:45] Now, I have to warn you on Instagram, I'm kind of slow because Instagram, Instagram really makes me feel old because it's, it's a great place for me to scroll but I ain't doing nothing because it just takes too much energy lately. I'm shooting in the bed ya'll. I'm under the covers.
[00:03:02] It is all warm over here and I'm under the cover with some leggings on, anyway, let's get this episode where we're going to talk about how dissociation has become my superpower.
[00:03:21] Jeannette: Okay. So psychiatry.org defines dissociation as a disconnection between a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of who she, he or she is.
[00:03:38] NAMI the national mental health Institute or Institute of mental health describes dissociative disorders as charactrized by an involuntary escape from reality characterized by disconnection, between thoughts, identity, consciousness, and memory. And they go on to state that people from all age groups and racial and ethnic social socioeconomic backgrounds can experience a dissociative order.
[00:04:12] So as I continue my own healing journey, in motherhood, um, and continue to, I guess, play with, uh, My history of dissociation as a coping mechanism that has me exploring how dissociation can support in anchoring a space that honors you and your family, you know, using dissociation and disconnection from like reality as a way to create a space in the home.
[00:04:52] That is nourishing to you and your family, um, has me thinking about, you know, what values even, even kind of sinking into how dissociated I have been throughout my lifetime, but like even within this sort of bubble, like what about this bubble has helped me?
[00:05:10] What about this bubble has nourished me? What, about this bubble has served me and gotten me through some rough stuff. And how can I keep this sort of safe space that I've created for myself, but still allow myself to see reality as it is. Right.
[00:05:29] So it for me may not work for everybody else. Dissociation has been very much a double-edged sword. It's allowed me to connect to the divine and hold spaces where I am. Spirit and I are chilling, but it's also been like, okay, well, you know, there's a part of reality I need to deal with, but I'm also feeling like, um, these spaces, these spaces, where you're connecting with spirit, these spaces, where you're deciding to be joyful, the spaces where you're
[00:06:04] choosing to be peaceful, these spaces where you're, it's possible to still maintain that while still allowing reality to reality, but just outside of that, um, that's been something I've been kind of working through because it seems so important to have this safe space of this bubble of joy. This bubble of peace.
[00:06:25] This bubble of, of these are our values. Our values are, um, integrity, our values, our nonviolent communication, our values are kindness to be able to have that sort of space in the house, no matter what's going on out there. And it seems important to have that because these times are messed up. These times are very troubling and we all need like a safe space to come back and lick our wounds and, and, and to survive and thrive, you know, but again, it's, it does need to be balanced.
[00:07:02] So this is how I've been kind of playing with balancing it. The first thing is like really kind of finding space to embody my values and kind of be more conscious and physical about it because the way I work is very emotional and very spiritual. So I value peace. I value, um, serenity.
[00:07:26] So I'm not necessarily gonna kick somebody out of the house, but I will do everything I can to shift the energy in a certain way that if you cause enough ruckus, you're not going to be comfortable. But you know, there is the whole sort of tangible piece of like, you know, I could just tell you to leave and I need to.
[00:07:41] To do that. So, um, it's finding ways to more for me physically embody my values physically say, Hey, this is not okay. Physically call things that are in things underneath the surface so that they can be healed. And I can go back to let's say the value of peace, the value of peace can, um, uh, Expand and be rooted in the home because the things that prevent the peace from blossoming have been called out and could be healed and moved out.
[00:08:14] So like thing one is finding ways to physically do the things that I need to do to, to address that because, uh, and this kind of ties into the next point. You can do all the spiritual work that you want to do around something. And this has been a very personal lesson for me, but sometimes, you know, you need to do inner work, inner work as a piece of it, but also like some physical work.
[00:08:39] Sometimes you just need to, sometimes you just need to tell somebody to get to going. Sometimes people don't need to be in your life anymore. Sometimes, you know, like you don't have to empty out the vinegar on the plant you don't want in your garden. Sometimes you can just pull it up by the roots and put it somewhere else.
[00:09:02] And spiritual work is very, very, very important, but sometimes we're in environments and situations because something is asking to heal and nothing can save us from healing that, which is in our hearts to heal, which kind of connects dissociation with, um, reality. And what's going on now. In what ways as parents are we bringing the values of reality that we claim to hate in our house and raising our children with them and what I'm like as a black woman, what ways am I raising children to be anti-black what ways am I raising children that to participate in colorism?
[00:09:47] What ways am I raising the patriarchy? What ways am I raising children to be consumers and not be thoughtful of the resources of earth. What ways am I raising the children to abuse the earth? All these things are against my values, but what am I doing as a mother here and now that go against the values that I say that I have that are societal values, but not necessarily my own.
[00:10:19] And that's also a challenge as a mom. In many ways, we have these personal values and ideas around who we should be a mother as mothers and, and, and the values and the things we should sew into our kids. But quite often, society will take us in a different direction. Doctors will tell us like, no, You need to do this now and it's imperative or your child will die.
[00:10:40] You know, you need to feed your child is 12 million people on Twitter may jump on you because you have decided that you're going to do X, Y, Z with your child, and somebody is triggered. And so like, there's an onslaught of fools in your inbox talking mess. But the whole point is like moms get, we get almost sometimes railroaded into stuff unless you willing to fight all the time.
[00:11:00] For your own vision. So in what ways are we not fighting for our own vision and also realizing that sometimes we're conditioned not to fight. Sometimes we're conditioned to give up. Sometimes we're conditioned to give away our authority as mothers and authority over our bodies and authority over the responsibility of raising our children over to others.
[00:11:22] And so they get in, in coded, they end up taking on values and morals and ideas and beliefs that don't serve us like that don't resonate with our values and beliefs and our lived experiences. Don't resonate with the earth and don't resonate with the values and experiences and whatever for our ancestors.
[00:11:46] And that is personal and spiritual work that we as mothers like must do. It's kind of like in some ways, the divine feminine, rising, and taking back our own power as mothers and realizing that we have, we have the power and the, the right and the responsibility to heal much of what's going on and we can do it.
[00:12:08] We can do it. We just need to know that we can and do it. Um, Like, and as you can tell, the kids are home. I don't know if you can tell, I don't know what you're hearing, but they home. Um, I'm working with dissociation to create an anchor, like, like the values I would like in his family also is about being rooted and grounded in the present moment, in the reality of the moment and processing and navigating
[00:12:36] what's mine to process and navigate, but in the same breath, not allowing the world of, you know, the world of man to overwhelm me so much, um, that I come out of my integrity or the integrity of space I want to hold. So again, it's about being reality and calling a thing, a thing, but also sometimes letting the thing be out there, having the courage and the strength to be like, you know, they do that out there and that's okay for them.
[00:13:02] And may they be blessed in whatever. But we don't do it out here. We ain't doing that here. I personally find that evil. I think it leads to destruction and chaos. Cause that's what I've seen. No, thank you. We are not doing that here! We are not playing Pokemon cards in here because I find that to be violent and a problem, you don't just pick things up and make them fight as the
[00:13:31] gosh, as somebody who's descended from enslaved people, knowing that that was done to enslave people, I'm not going to like support the idea of mythical creatures being forced to fight each other for my own amusement. That's that's just not the way the truth nor the light. No. So it's things like that.
[00:13:50] But also knowing that like, as a mother, some stuff is going to be your fight and some things are not
[00:13:57] right. And if you're going to do that fight, how are you gonna fight it and fighting it in a way that makes sense to you and honor your integrity. Like, let's talk about homeschool.
[00:14:07] Deciding how you want to educate your kids, deciding how you, like, what values did you like to instill in your kids? Being an immigrant is very interesting watching this, knowing that, um, maybe the school doesn't teach your language, maybe the school doesn't teach your culture in a way that you agree with, or you feel over reflects the accuracy of your people and your culture and their values and their morals.
[00:14:28] So as a parent, deciding that you are going to take control of the narrative of your people and educate and homeschool your children or educate your children alongside what they receive in school. So, um, it's that sort of work, allowing doing the work of allowing society to be society, but tackling the ills in society that bother you the most, um, within your home with, with the action that works for you and your family.
[00:15:02] Yeah. You know, even environmental ism as a way to look at it around you. Some people choose not to eat meat because of the environmental impact. I'm not going to judge you because I feel like everybody's grown here and we all have our things. I, eat avocados avocados are horrible for the environment. It's putrid, it's evil.
[00:15:26] I should not be eating avocados because like, you know, The amount of like the waste of fossil fuels to get them here for my little tiny pleasure is not worth it. We all have our sin. So what are we doing to like, make sure our children don't have the sins and pass them down and also picking what is in our heart to resonate.
[00:15:49] You know, everybody may not care about the enviornment. But they may care about animals. People may care about like, workers' rights. How are you addressing that in your home? Are you buying like non, sweat shop clothing, like, but you don't have to take on everything, just take on what's what's yours and how do you know what's yours?
[00:16:08] You'll feel it in your heart. And those are the values you pass on to your kids, but that's important. It's important to kind of chew on what's yours. And just because you see it on the news or your friends are talking about it doesn't mean that it's yours. It should be something that lights your heart on fire and lighting
[00:16:27] your heart on fire is different than you feeling the psychic weight of it. We all feel the psychic weight of everything because we're humans, we're on this planet and we're connected. And even though some people are like, well, you know, they may bop around and they may not seem like they're feeling the psychic weight.
[00:16:47] We're not with each other all day. And if we watch each other closely, no matter where you are, you are seeing people begin to crack a little under the stress of these times. So we do feel we do carry the psychic weight, but even with that, like you don't go to like a buffet and eat everything. You only eat what you can eat.
[00:17:11] You only eat what you're attracted to. You're only eat what you want and you trust other people to eat the parts of the buffet that need to be eaten and you let it be at. Yeah. And you let it be. It's like that with all the stuff that's going on in the world, what's yours to do, do your piece. Let everybody else do their piece.
[00:17:33] It'll come together. It really will. It has no choice.
[00:17:40] Um, and it's also important to have honesty and empathy to adjust when you realize there's room to grow and change. And even within maintaining this whatever space you're maintaining through, like dissociation to call a thing, a thing, and to be okay with the thing for me, dissociation was, uh, protective mechanism where.
[00:18:09] I knew a thing was a thing, but I didn't think I could handle the thing. So it was about, um, yeah, I didn't think I was handled. I could handle it. I didn't think I was powerful enough. I didn't think that I had enough, but I was also a kid when it started. So, um, as a child, that's the thing. It's like, you know, you, ain't going to take on an adult, you got to stay safe, you gotta eat, you gotta have place to live.
[00:18:37] So, um, I'm an adult now, so I can, I can, I can take on it. I can handle it. This has been interesting. And, and having the honesty with myself to look at things that I normally would have run from and having the empathy for myself to know that I, you know, it's scary. Even as an adult, it's scary, but it's going to be okay and I'll be fine.
[00:19:03] We can do tough things. We can do hard things and it makes us better people. And the final thing I've kind of been working with in the sense of having dishes using dissociation as like kind of a framework or whatever, to create a safe space for these kids while still recognizing the messed up ness of the world is like you, you know, collaborating with the kids.
[00:19:29] 'cause um, kids will have different values than us. They have different things they find important, different parts of reality may or may not work for them and kids, voices and opinions and beliefs there's so important. It is so important that children are affirmed and their values are affirmed and their beliefs and ideas about life
[00:19:57] are affirmed and they deserve that. They deserve to have that reflected in the living space and in their family. So even as I, you know, may go hard in the paint around, um, violence, in like, you know, violence, that's emotional violence, it's psychic violence, that's physical. All the violence in the world I also need to realize
[00:20:25] there are two boys in this house and sometimes it's just going to be some tussling. They value physical play. It's not violence. It might, you know, might seem like it's some times, but it's really like, it's play. There's like a fine little dance there. Right. It's like the intention and the energy.
[00:20:45] So like, but I. It's the whole point is like children need to be allowed to express themselves. And that needs to be okay and safe and encouraged. And part of like the values and the vibe that you're creating, because you know, kids need to be included and also kids bring that new, fresh, innovative energy that pushes you to blossom as a human being, even though it may seem hard painful.
[00:21:17] And like you just, sometimes feeling like you can't, so kids, like what's important to them, what they value, what they treasure, what they, what they want to advance forth in life is, is something that like always needs to be talked about and an integrated, because those values, the values, um, that in some ways will encourage you to grow and be a better person.
[00:21:46] And heal. So that's, that, that felt kind of like umm a little ethery so I pray that like made sense and was supportive of you. And I pray that this blessed you and I, you know, thank you for listening. And again, um, please, please, please. If you have space and time to show up for the live streams on June 14th.
[00:22:12] 2:00 PM. June 21st at 2:00 PM at June 28th, at 2:00 PM in July 5th at 2:00 PM, all Eastern standard time. You know, I'd love to see your face. I'm going to say some more about it. Um, and again, like if you have any questions you would like me and mommy evolve to tackle or discuss or anything you'd like to this podcast to discuss around spirituality and motherhood, please feel free to get at me at spirituality and motherhood podcast.
[00:22:42] dot com JLancien 77 on Twitter, on, um, Instagram at spirituality underscore motherhood underscore pod. Yes. And you can also support this podcast. Please support this podcast by liking, leaving a good review by subscribing sharing with others, letting them know what you're listening to. Please do those things.
[00:23:11] Please share the good word and yeah, I look forward to connecting with you. Oh my goodness. I'll be back before June 14th at 2:00 PM. I'm sure I'll have something to say spirit. Be getting me. They're like, you're gonna stay on rhythm. I'm like, no, I can't do it. There's too much going on. They're like stay on rhythm, stay on rhythm.
[00:23:31] So I'm sure they going, they going to get on my ear about something. And you be like, girl, why you in here to talk this mess? Anyway, I can't wait to connect with you again soon. Stay blessed. Peace.